And another...

I feel like I'm running away from questions that are constantly being asked of me. What am i supposed to do when eventually fighting myself for answers prevents me from honestly approaching them. Francis asked me to come out and say exactly what I think and feel and that my brutal honesty will be accepted. I don't know if I can answer that "question"...maybe Francis will accept what I have to say as a teacher and friend, but I don't know trust everyone yet. That might sound rude, but lets be frank, we've only been a class for little over 5 weeks, if even that much. Can you say that you trust me? Can you trust me to be level headed and not judgmental. How can I live up to an expectation like that and how can all of you? We judge each other. We make decisions based on our judgments every single fucking day. We are in THIS class because we are judgmental and live in a world of rank and disassociation.

Anyways, on to my brutal honesty.

I don't know why I'm in this class, I don't know why I care so much. For the longest time I believed it was because Charisse, my girlfriend, is Filipina and because my girlfriend prior was also 1/4 Japanese and explored openly that part of herself, however minor. And then again, who is to say what is minor or not...I'm sure somewhere along the way in my past there was asianic blood mixed into my family tree. I know that 4-5 generations back a native American married into the family line on my mother's mother's side. The point is why am I interested NOW. Why do I CARE NOW.

I remember distinctly last year in Sex and Race in Plays and Films a discussion that broke out in class about the Asian male/female stereotypes. There was a girl who spoke up, an Asian girl, and said how angry she was about white guys goings for Asian girls. She hated how some of her white friends were just like...man I want to fuck an asian chick, blah blah. That actually offended me because I'm dating an asian girl and I'm a white guy. I didn't speak up though because I believe for the first time I finally understood what it meant to be the Other and what it meant to not always be this or that, but to but the excluded. I wanted to speak up, because I felt it was unfair but something kept me from voicing my opinion. It might have been how angry she was, it was the first time I had ever seen her that passionate. I want to say that somewhere along the line a white guy had gone after her because she was asian and not because she was who she was. That would piss me off, too. You have expectations to meet that shouldn't be there.

Because of that, I've question my true motives for even studying Asian history and Asian American History. I'll admit that I am attracted to Asian Woman, but I never thought of it as something perverse or abnormal. If i find a woman attractive she is attractive. I guess I have a greater affinity for Asian woman now because the woman that I love happens to be Asian so that part of my sexuality that has grown accustomed to her finds greater attraction in those who are similar in complexion and form. Its embarrassing actually because I dont want to be one of those guys. I don't want to be the guy that makes other girls talk behind Charisse's back, like oh she's with that white guy, what a slut. She is far from being a Slut, I definitely wouldn't say she's pure...not the slightest, but she has morals and dignity just like the rest of us. I don't want to be like the soldiers who fucked Vietnamese women in the war or the soldiers in the Philippines or the ones tin Iraq. I am not that guy and honestly...those men have no women. Who can blame them for going after what is around them. I don't want to believe that it has to do with anything other than availability no matter how fucked up that sounds. See thats another thing that pisses me off, gosh.

Anyways that leads me to this post. You might find this hard to believe, but I feel like I've become more racist after taking these classes and I don't know why. As we get older do we become more bitter and judgmental? I hope not because I want to give everyone a fair chance even if they don't give me a fair chance. Its this overwhelming guilt that pushes me back, like I can't feel these feelings because they aren't correct. I've been told that we can't help our feelings, the only thing that we can do is decide what we do with them.

I should probably talk about the book now...I'll just go on and on. The 5th chapter definitely stimulated my emotions because it dealt with the life of the Japanese after they decided to make America their permanent home. It is what spurred my previous response. I guess I don't have much to say directly about the chapter other than he points out how it became so important for children of Asian immigrants become educated and how pointless it was for them because they wouldnt be employed no matter how educated and qualified they were. THAT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF

Here we are getting an education. I wouldn't be able to stand it if someone told me that my friends couldn't get a job that I could have strictly because they were a different race than me. I want to be a doctor and I know other kids that want it so much more than me and yet if this were 80 years ago I would be a doctor and they 'might" be one...even if they were smarter and much more qualified than I. That hurts my feelings and makes me pain because I know what its like to toil to do well on a test and to push myself to my limits just so in a year or two i can look that much better on my Medschool apps. That hurts me. It doesn't make me feel guilty it makes me feel wronged because smart individuals versed in two cultures with high qualifications couldn't do the work and the research that they should have. Doctors weren't trained that should have who could have saved more lives and teachers were never hired who could have changed the way children see each others faces. That is atrocious.


DONE

Hawaii

I decided not to respond to Monday's discussion because i wasn't sure if I would respond maturely. I don't agree with everything Francis had to say and I wanted to wait to see what he had to say the next class. After hearing about what had happened prior to his coming to class, its safe to say that his lecture was tainted. He said so himself. On the other hand, a lot of what he said is true. I try not to think that things are so hopeless, but where is the honesty of the situation?

Anyways, I finished reading the fourth chapter and I have a few initial opinions on its contents.

Takaki uses a lot of numbers in this chapter which I think is a good thing. I no longer feel like he is using them to compensate for a lack of argument or something like that. They really paint an interesting picture where he uses them but for the most part they only show us what he's told us previously. The number of Asian immigrants living in Hawaii increased over time...which is obvious, but what is striking about this chapter is the impact that these increasing populations had not only on the islands themselves, but on each other because there were so many ethnicities represented in the work force.

I get a sense of nostalgia from reading this chapter. There is something raw and visceral about a pioneer "civilization" of people. To me, its an opportunity I feel like I may never have a part of, and thats okay. I still get the sense that there was great satisfaction in overcoming oppression for those who were oppressed by planters and the system of plantations that controlled the islands. I know no other way of explaining what that feels like, but feeling like one is part of something greater than themselves gives a sense of purpose to life because it makes the pain of everyday living not so painful. A goal, a hope, a dream, anything that brings motivation to lives that don't have the comforts we today in this nation would call normal, are only the tip of the ice berg when it comes to the shear humanity involved in creating a community. To relate this to myself, I could say that my wanting to understand cultures is my way of being part of a developing community of other people that want to be a "global citizen".

Our Third Chapter

I just finished reading the latest chapter and I have to say that I'm really liking Takaki so far. Not everything he says I agree with, but the read is enjoyable and he has a readable style, something a few historians could brush up on.

Takaki's point of this chapter is to examine the Chinese role in the industrialization of the United States in the mid to late 1800s. A few key facts stick in my mind. The first is Chinese immigrants were first viewed as "compatriots" when they first arrived in California. Leadership saw the union of both European, American, and Eastern nationalities as important to the success of the nation. It was only till other leaders came into power that anti-racial legislation came into being. The second point is how few Chinese women were present in the earlier "colonization". Men were thrust into a womenless world in which they often felt disheartened because they had left their wives and families behind in China. The Third is how the nations opinion of Chinese changed over the century, from one of curiosity to disdain as "the discovery of unemployment" began to take hold in the quickly industrialized nation. More workers were being flooded into the nation as fewer and fewer jobs were being created to employ them. This, coupled with ingrained racism of American's, did not create a welcome home for most Chinese.

Takaki makes it clear that Chinese immigrants were not like Blacks and European immigrants. He quotes many people representing the Chinese population as being the most educated and morally disciplined of all immigrating and non-white people of the United States. This point is driven home when he quotes white business owners celebrating the virtues of Chinese laborers over any other labor because of their thoroughness and dependability. One was even quoted saying that if there was a choice all workers would be Chinese in his production. I don't think this reflects a racist bias on Takaki's part, but as a contrast to what he says next.

American racism towards "celestials", another name for Chinese and people from eastern Asia, Takaki argues, is greater than that of their racism towards European immigrants, even though the number of Chinese doesn't even break 400,000 total, while European immigrants come flooding in at over 1,000,000 a year. I don't know if these numbers are correct, but it is common knowledge that many more Europeans immigrated to the United States than Chinese during the mid/late 1800s. Basically, the Chinese were treated unfairly and unfairly blamed for the lowering of wages and growing unemployment, when the European immigration was a more obvious threat. This speaks to the inherent prejudice of one against another that looks far different from ones own countenance. Chinese were not allowed to become citzens, they were not allowed to immigrate into the county after 1882, thus excluding many already in the United States from their families. Also, the lack of women immigrants created a sinful need in the male populous, thus the majority of Chinese women in the United States were prostitutes in the California "Chinatowns" of San Francisco and industrialized cities.

At first I felt perturbed by Takaki's universal bias towards Americans of the mid/late 1800s. After reflecting on what he has said and regarding the truths he's recounted as probable exaggerations, the fact is still the same and is hard to deny. Chinese men and women were unfairly subjected to racism and oppression in the United States because of ignorance. If a more cordial relationship, even without "friendship", had been created an even greater prosperity might have been created in the Western states. It is no fairy tale that many Chinese immigrants were respectable workers with skills that were over looked. Escape from our ingrained human prejudices is a flight many cannot make it seems. Reflection on such attitudes and histories can only bring us closer to an understanding, but only if both sides are willing to give.

Chapter two

I just finished the second chapter of our reading in Takaki. My emotions are mixed. His points are stimulating, but I'm left with confusion as to what he really wants us to think.

A couple times Takaki mentions the experiences of his relatives relative to whatever it is that he is talking about at that moment. I'm not sure what to make of it. At first I feel like it takes away from the point that he's trying to make. This chapter is about population composites of the different Asian nationalities that immigrated to the United States and Hawaii in the mid/late 1800s and early 1900s. Randomly exemplifying his relatives as if they must be included offsets his well written history. The purpose, I'm assuming, was to bring it "closer to home", like "this happened, really, I promise". I can believe numbers and I am also tempted to believe what he writes, but including these examples bothers me for some reason.

You might say I'm missing the point, but I also think that Takaki was clouding what he was already writing eloquently. The "facts" speak for themselves. Asian men were hired as contractors for plantation work in Hawaii and California by western business. Women were not needed only until it became apparent that men that have their sexual needs met tend to get along and work more efficient, thus the influx of wifes/ females. Its harsh and its not pretty, but businessmen used other people's dire situations to coerce them into a "better" life that wasn't much different from the life they left.

Takaki makes it clear that in most cases immigrants were going to better instead of worse. But what is the difference between more worse and the most worst? Its clear that the United States and Hawaii were beacons of hope for those impoverished in transitioning states such as China and Korea. Japan was eager to push its workers out, making sure only the best were allowed to leave in order to show the rest of the world the superiority of the Japanese over their neighbors. Takaki doesn't say that directly, but its implied simply because every emigrant from Japan was interviewed researched by the Japanese government prior to departure. That fact is the most interesting to me. We are also informed that no Asian people were forced to come to the United States and Hawaii, they came on their own accord. Obviously, they were in dire situations and in some cases were obligated to repay debts through labor in the foreign, lands but it is quite clear there was no slave trading occurring. The only real tragedy, in my mind, was the subjugation of women to prostitution through the lies of "emigration salesman". There is nothing more wrong than a young woman being tricked into a live of enslaved prostitution. Takaki rightfully hangs on this point, making sure to tell us the proportion of woman who were prostitutes in each countries emigrating population.

Truth, sorta

Francis was definitely right. We don't really remember much of what we hear. The notes I took from class yesterday don't really outline anything important. I have some key quotes, but nothing really springs "facts" into my head, other than the fact that we dissected the weight in truth that facts may or may not hold. Emotions are all I can remember and I believe that I can relay what it is that might have made me feel them.

At first, I was uncomfortable. I don't really care about heat too much because I can get used to heat, its temperature changes, as weird as it may sound, that really affect me. Going outside made me sweaty somewhat, but I didn't mind too much because it was so nice outside. Only good can come from fresh air...for the most part.

As the discussion began I noticed hesitance in our group. The difference between this class and my last class, Sex and Race in plays and Films, is obvious, but there is promise. Our classmates are open and opinionated, but not insensitive. We can have our ideas and our feelings and the consensus is one of acceptance, its the confidence to share our thoughts isn't really developed yet. Some might disagree, but ask yourself, were you the one confident? I felt comfortable, not confident, but I could see others holding back, which is fine. You can't tell everyone your secrets too early. I think TCKs can appreciate that more than most.

There were a few events that left "emotional" memories. I left the class with a sense of foreboding, not so much negative, but of genial apprehension. That might not make sense, but I was questioning what was in store for us as a group. What sticks out most in my mind is our discussion of truth. The idea itself is something I feel passionate about, and I can safely assume that most people who have given a rats ass to think would question what "truth" really means to them. That brings my mind to another thought.

Honestly, our discussion of journalism and the state of it today, definitely sparked thought. Francis's openness is something we all have to embrace. He's our teacher and it could be argued that his responsibility is to open himself first, but for this class to succeed we all have to become the teachers. Amazing stories and adventures aren't what people need, but passion and emotion. When someone talks with conviction, I could hear the emotion in his voice, they spread that feeling to other people. No matter how logical we as humans believe ourselves to be we are creatures controlled by our emotions. No scientist does their work because they feel dutied to do so, their motivation is their passion for the "truth" and the exploration of what fascinates them.

I disagree with Francis on some level. The emphasis on dates and numbers in history really unsettles me. Denying their influence isn't what I'm doing, its just what those dates and numbers mean that is throwing me off. I HATE memorizing things. It is something I loath. I remember dates and key numbers because they matter to me, they hold emotional importance. The only way those dates can be remember is for them to be remembered in the way they need to be remember, as actually emotional events involving real human lives like our own. I can't remember the name of my classmate who said that she learned history best when her class reenacted events, but that is such a powerful experience in making history your own. If we can create a emotional response in someone regarding a date or number then it will be remembered. Our feelings are remembered so much more vividly than anything else. As a matter of fact, I would feel confident in saying that the more emotion or passion we have about an event the more vivid it is when we recall it. If we can force people to make a fact their own then they will have no choice in remembering it or not.

Strangers From a Different Shore

Note: Edited for grammar, I'm sure there are still mistakes. >_>

I just finished our first reading assignment in Strangers in a Strange Land by Ronald Takaki (For those readers who might not actually be from W&M). My initial reaction was nonchalant, its what I've heard before. By the end though, it dawned on me that I still hold the same multiculturalism beliefs spoken against in Takaki's first chapter. Its almost disheartening to think about because now that I understand how deeply ingrained the "Other" is inside of us the scarier it is to think that somethings may never change.

Studying Asian American history is supposed to bring about appreciation for their achievements and to associate Asian American as American. Its so easy to think of them, them, as the other, just as easily as it is to type that pronoun. As I continued reading, though, Takaki also makes it clear that our pluralism as a nation is the reason why we are what we are. Our focus on creating a Caucasian centered society, he argues, in the long run is detrimental to our nation because that facilitates the lose of pluralism, our nations strength.

Accepting my predisposition to "Otherize" persons and peoples is the first step in the right direction. The next step is to understand my own history. Takaki points out that even Thomas Jefferson wanted our nation to be a land strictly for Europeans, hence Caucasians. So in retrospect, the United States was created so that every man could be free, every European man. Ethnicity was never written into the constitution, some would argue otherwise, it is only the laws created after the ratifying of the constitution, such as our immigration laws, that are based on ethnocentric beliefs. So what we have now is a nation built on principles that are colorblind, but run by those who are obviously not colorblind. That has changed.

The previous century has seen leaps and bounds in growth towards equal rights for all peoples of the United States. The problem though resides in our attitudes and opinions; equal protection under the law doesn't create equal protection of assumption. No answer or solution exists to fix any rift decisively. The only treatment is equal understanding. It is this assimilation of all of our histories and ancestries into one American consciousness that we strive for in courses such as this. There is no cathartic experience nor rapture, it is just by baby steps we hope to someday walk together.





I'd like to make a special point. When speaking of people it is so easy to generalize traits and create stereotypes. But, what I have found is that in interacting with people of said "group" these generalizations and stereotypes don't come into play. I've always judged a person by their actions and character, not by what I expect them to be or do. Its unsettling to realize that the closer you come to understanding something, such as another person's culture, that the farther you come from appreciating the big picture. I know that sounds a little loopy, but the point I'm trying to make is, we have ingrained feelings and thoughts that can't be overridden. People will argue otherwise, but our past experience is all we have to go on.

I would be lying if I said that I've been racially prosecuted and humiliated because of my skin color, but I would not be lying if I told you that I've had people be openly racist towards me. I guess in the end we all have to grow thicker skins. Some of us might say that certain groups of people have it worse than others in the United States, and thats obviously a true statement, but in the state the world is in now, we all have it worse outside of our borders. Understanding our differences and assuming that we all hold the same American ideals could go a long way in fueling our repair as a nation of many peoples.